From now on, please visit http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/mikeflowers for your updates. It is a much more user friendly site. It will allow you to post comments without having to have a blogger.com account.
Thanks,
Adam
Friday, December 19, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
We sing because we're happy, we sing because we're free...
Mike is completely off the ventilator, which is great. His recovery from the surgical procedure is going excellent. No complications there.
His is still pretty heavily doped up, which is very good, because what he needs most now is rest. It is a horribly frustrating situation because Kathy, Michelle and I want to be with him all the time, but when we are in the room, despite his surgery, he at first tries to talk to us and then tries to comfort us. This, in turn gets him anxious and is not conducive to resting. That is Mike, always thinking about the comfort of others, no matter his own situation. That is why we love him so.
He will be in MICU for at least one more day, most likely two and possibly three. We are still trying to determine many things; will he be able to swallow on his own, will he need a permanent feeding tube, etc. Also, I must warn everyone, for all practical purposes, he no longer has a working tongue. As you can imagine, this will cause him great difficulties with which he must adapt. But I also have to say, his spirit is undimmed. This afternoon I held his head in my hands and was able to tell him how much I and all of you love him, and seeing the light in his eyes filled me with an overwhelming sense of joy and gratitude. This wonderful man and his amazing wife have given their lives to their family. I almost, at one point today, threw a pity party and kept saying over and over in my head, "This man, of all men, does not deserve this." Then I remembered, last night, when my mom and I went to go see him for the first time after surgery, accidentally walking into the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit. It is hard to think of anything happening to a 61 year-old (or a 33 year-old, for that matter) that is somehow more tragic than watching a poor, sweet child suffering. It was then I knew that no one really does or doesn't deserve anything. That is not what this life is about. As horrible as this time is for Mike, in the midst of it all, my father will still touch people's lives and change them for the better. That is why all of these unexplainable things happen. When there is Love, it isn't a waste, it isn't in vain, it isn't for naught.
This is also going to be tough for all of you that love Mike (New achronym: AOYTLM)because you will want to see him soon and tell him, like I did so many times today, that you love him. Please have patience. I will keep everyone informed as to when he can receive visitors. That will be up to the Doctors and Mike. He has a lot of resting and healing to do. Just know that all of your comments, calls and good wishes are being shared with him and I know he would tell you all what he mouthed to me today, "I love you."
Because my father is the man he is, he is already trying to make things "easier" on the nurses and the Charge Nurse who is watching him, isn't having any of it. He also tries to apologize to his wife and children for not being able to talk. His heart is just so big.
Darkness is trying to push it's way in all around us, but we are pushing back. Mike is pushing the hardest. I heard the Mississippi Boys Choir singing "His Eye Is On the Sparrow" earlier tonight, and there is a part that always makes me tear up and smile at the same time. When I have the pleasure of singing it, I feel as if my soul might just explode. "I sing because I'm happy. I sing because I'm free. His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me."
Mike, Kathy, Michelle, Dennis, Adam and Nicole are still singing. We may have tears streaming down our face, but we also have a broad smile and a fierce glow in our hearts.
Please sing with us.
All of our love,
Adam
His is still pretty heavily doped up, which is very good, because what he needs most now is rest. It is a horribly frustrating situation because Kathy, Michelle and I want to be with him all the time, but when we are in the room, despite his surgery, he at first tries to talk to us and then tries to comfort us. This, in turn gets him anxious and is not conducive to resting. That is Mike, always thinking about the comfort of others, no matter his own situation. That is why we love him so.
He will be in MICU for at least one more day, most likely two and possibly three. We are still trying to determine many things; will he be able to swallow on his own, will he need a permanent feeding tube, etc. Also, I must warn everyone, for all practical purposes, he no longer has a working tongue. As you can imagine, this will cause him great difficulties with which he must adapt. But I also have to say, his spirit is undimmed. This afternoon I held his head in my hands and was able to tell him how much I and all of you love him, and seeing the light in his eyes filled me with an overwhelming sense of joy and gratitude. This wonderful man and his amazing wife have given their lives to their family. I almost, at one point today, threw a pity party and kept saying over and over in my head, "This man, of all men, does not deserve this." Then I remembered, last night, when my mom and I went to go see him for the first time after surgery, accidentally walking into the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit. It is hard to think of anything happening to a 61 year-old (or a 33 year-old, for that matter) that is somehow more tragic than watching a poor, sweet child suffering. It was then I knew that no one really does or doesn't deserve anything. That is not what this life is about. As horrible as this time is for Mike, in the midst of it all, my father will still touch people's lives and change them for the better. That is why all of these unexplainable things happen. When there is Love, it isn't a waste, it isn't in vain, it isn't for naught.
This is also going to be tough for all of you that love Mike (New achronym: AOYTLM)because you will want to see him soon and tell him, like I did so many times today, that you love him. Please have patience. I will keep everyone informed as to when he can receive visitors. That will be up to the Doctors and Mike. He has a lot of resting and healing to do. Just know that all of your comments, calls and good wishes are being shared with him and I know he would tell you all what he mouthed to me today, "I love you."
Because my father is the man he is, he is already trying to make things "easier" on the nurses and the Charge Nurse who is watching him, isn't having any of it. He also tries to apologize to his wife and children for not being able to talk. His heart is just so big.
Darkness is trying to push it's way in all around us, but we are pushing back. Mike is pushing the hardest. I heard the Mississippi Boys Choir singing "His Eye Is On the Sparrow" earlier tonight, and there is a part that always makes me tear up and smile at the same time. When I have the pleasure of singing it, I feel as if my soul might just explode. "I sing because I'm happy. I sing because I'm free. His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me."
Mike, Kathy, Michelle, Dennis, Adam and Nicole are still singing. We may have tears streaming down our face, but we also have a broad smile and a fierce glow in our hearts.
Please sing with us.
All of our love,
Adam
The 14 Days of Christmas
In the midst of difficulty and uncertainly it is easy to succumb to self-pity, fear and despondency. But if one's heart is open and full of Love, heart-breakingly sweet pinpricks of grace can shine the light of hope through the gloom just enough to illuminate a path through trouble that was beyond your own imagining just moments before.
We have been experiencing this grace through all of you who love my father so much. He is now on the other side of the surgery and although he faces some daunting challenges, he is still with us. I got to see him this morning and he squeezed my hand and wrote with his finger on my palm "I love you." I have to tell you, that was one of the more powerful and overwhelming experiences I have ever had. He had more done in his procedure than we previously thought he would, so he is now coming to grips with the changed landscape inside his mouth and throat. As far as his recovery from the surgery goes, he is doing very well. He is on the lowest setting of the ventilator, and they feel confident that they can get him breathing on his own through the tracheotomy today or tomorrow.
I know many of you would like to visit Mike, but I would request that you watch this space for the go-ahead on that. Visitors will be counter-productive until sometime next week.
Today is Day One of Mike's 14 Days of Christmas at UC Davis Med Center. Ho ho ho.
I will post more later today.
God bless,
Adam
We have been experiencing this grace through all of you who love my father so much. He is now on the other side of the surgery and although he faces some daunting challenges, he is still with us. I got to see him this morning and he squeezed my hand and wrote with his finger on my palm "I love you." I have to tell you, that was one of the more powerful and overwhelming experiences I have ever had. He had more done in his procedure than we previously thought he would, so he is now coming to grips with the changed landscape inside his mouth and throat. As far as his recovery from the surgery goes, he is doing very well. He is on the lowest setting of the ventilator, and they feel confident that they can get him breathing on his own through the tracheotomy today or tomorrow.
I know many of you would like to visit Mike, but I would request that you watch this space for the go-ahead on that. Visitors will be counter-productive until sometime next week.
Today is Day One of Mike's 14 Days of Christmas at UC Davis Med Center. Ho ho ho.
I will post more later today.
God bless,
Adam
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
A Rough Day of Surgery
Mike's surgery did not go as planned. The tumor was significantly larger than previously thought. The tumor essentially took up the entire base of his tongue. Tissue from his pectoral muscle will be grafted to replace his removed epiglottis to prevent aspiration. This will significantly affect his tongue and his speech, as he will be unable to move his tongue, as well as his ability to swallow. If he is unable to learn how to swallow with his new grafted epiglottis, he may also have to have his larynx removed, but this is uncertain at this point. He will require speech therapy. Also, three of his lymph nodes were removed and by the end of surgery today (almost 13 hours of surgery) the tumor will be totally removed, but it's removal will most likely create painful and difficult complications for the rest of his life. He will have a permanent tracheotomy. Six weeks from now, he will begin an aggressive combination of radiation AND Chemotherapy. He is not yet out of surgery, but he will more than likely be in the hospital for at least two weeks as opposed to the previously thought 5-10 days and probably will not be able to have visitors for several days.
The Flowers family thanks you for your thoughts and prayers. There are no two ways about this; this is bad news and presages difficult times ahead. But Mike Flowers is still with us, and while some of his mechanics are failing him, he is still Mike and he is still here. We are discouraged but not hopeless. We will do what ever it takes.
Please keep us in your prayers. This is the gravest crisis our family has ever faced, but Love will see us through. Never, never ever forgo the opportunity to put Love into practice. Mike would tell you, if he could, that he loves you all and would urge you to love one another with all of your heart, mind and soul.
With love and gratitude,
Adam, Kathy, Michelle, Nicole, Dennis and of course, Mike
The Flowers family thanks you for your thoughts and prayers. There are no two ways about this; this is bad news and presages difficult times ahead. But Mike Flowers is still with us, and while some of his mechanics are failing him, he is still Mike and he is still here. We are discouraged but not hopeless. We will do what ever it takes.
Please keep us in your prayers. This is the gravest crisis our family has ever faced, but Love will see us through. Never, never ever forgo the opportunity to put Love into practice. Mike would tell you, if he could, that he loves you all and would urge you to love one another with all of your heart, mind and soul.
With love and gratitude,
Adam, Kathy, Michelle, Nicole, Dennis and of course, Mike
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Surgery Day
Posted by Kathy
Mike and I will arrive at the UCD Med Center at 6:30 am, Wed., December 17. Mike is scheduled for 11:30 am and the surgery will take 7-8 hours. We got a call late this evening that Mike might be the first surgery at 8 am. We are ALL positive- positive that God has a plan for us, positive that this will make us all stronger, positive that Mike is in good hands with Dr. Donald, positive that our love will see us through this difficult time, and we are POSITIVE that God has graced our lives with the best Family and Friends in the world. Thank you for loving us and showing us your love.
May God bless you and your Families during this season of Joy, Hope, and Love,
Mike, Kathy, Michelle, Dennis, Adam, Nicole, Emily and Evan
Mike and I will arrive at the UCD Med Center at 6:30 am, Wed., December 17. Mike is scheduled for 11:30 am and the surgery will take 7-8 hours. We got a call late this evening that Mike might be the first surgery at 8 am. We are ALL positive- positive that God has a plan for us, positive that this will make us all stronger, positive that Mike is in good hands with Dr. Donald, positive that our love will see us through this difficult time, and we are POSITIVE that God has graced our lives with the best Family and Friends in the world. Thank you for loving us and showing us your love.
May God bless you and your Families during this season of Joy, Hope, and Love,
Mike, Kathy, Michelle, Dennis, Adam, Nicole, Emily and Evan
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Update for December 10, 2008
On Dec. 17th Mike will be going in for surgery to remove the tumor and the lymph nodes near his throat at the U.C. Davis Medical Center in Sacramento. He will then have a temporary tracheotomy and a feeding tube while he recovers for 5-10 days. When we find out what room he will be in I will let you know.
Mike is in good spirits and anxious to get this over with. He truly appreciates all of your concern, thoughts and prayers. Keep laughing!
Mike is in good spirits and anxious to get this over with. He truly appreciates all of your concern, thoughts and prayers. Keep laughing!
Monday, December 8, 2008
Mike has just gotten out of surgery and the endoscopy has revealed that a better course of action will be to remove the tumor and the lymph nodes near his throat perhaps next week. He will then have to have a temporary tracheotomy and a feeding tube while he recovers for 5-10 days. All of this sounds very serious, which it is, but it provides my father with the chance of removing all of the cancer now and avoiding chemo and/or radiation.
Mike will be coming home from today's endoscopy tomorrow morning at around 10. I will keep you all posted on the next surgery date/time and his room number at the hospital for the next surgery.
Thank you again for all of your positive thoughts and prayers. If anyone has ANY questions at all, you can call me at (415) 871-1468.
Much Love,
Adam
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
A New Journey...
Well, I didn't think we would need this blog again, but, unfortunately, we do. My father was diagnosed with cancer recently and this will be your location in cyberspace to get updates on his treatment.
Mike has a tumor in his throat at the base of his tongue on the right side above his epiglottis. He feels fine, other than some discomfort eating certain things as a result of his biopsy. On December 8, he will have an endoscopy and, either A) the tumor will be removed by laser surgery at that same time and ten days later his lymph nodes in his throat will be removed via neck surgery and that will be that or B) the endoscopy will reveal something unforeseen and a course of chemo, radiation or a combo of the two will be decided upon. The doctors feel confident that the former option A looks likely and we are certainly hoping for that.
Our family is grateful for your thoughts and prayers. Please, keep those coming! My father doesn't feel horribly sick or anything like that, so we are VERY grateful. This is going to be a difficult time for Mike and the rest of us that love him, but with love and good humor, we will come out OK. While this cancer diagnosis is probably the worst news I have ever received in my life, because it is my dad, there are still so many things that give me hope.
So often, you hear of people’s “battle” or “fight” with cancer. I understand this mentality. It is comforting to think that it is something that can be defeated. The odd thing is, I don’t think my father will “fight” or “battle” cancer because cancer is incapable of defeating, or even fighting, Mike Flowers.
This may be something that can be cured by medicine, or it my damage my father’s body and even (heaven forbid) hasten his death. But know this; we are all going to die. My wonderful, loving, funny, powerful, open, generous father is going to pass on some day, just as everyone (except for one wonderfully notable exception) will. However, not cancer, nor any other illness or infirmity will be able to sicken or enfeeble my father’s loving spirit. I know he will explore every avenue of treatment and tackle this head on; but my father is indestructible for one reason: he is full of Love. Everyone that knows my father has been touched in some way by this Love. It is the same love that is at the root of all the good things in this world. Everything else is emptiness and falsity. My dad has lived this love everyday of his life. He has shown it to me in thousands of examples big and small. And, he will live the rest of his life, however long it is, with this love in his heart and it will shoot out the ends of his fingertips and touch the good and the bad, the worthy and unworthy alike, because THAT is what love is. It is for all and it is free.
I am very afraid. I am afraid of how the cancer will manifest itself physically. I am afraid of the pain he will experience. I am afraid of how this will affect our family and friends. But one thing I know is that my dad loves me and he knows I love him. Because he is who he is and how he lives his life, there is nothing unsaid. We understand one another. That, of all things, may be the greatest gift my dad has given to me.
Even though he has cancer, he is still here and, actually, he feels just fine. The doctors are cautiously optimistic and he is in considerably good spirits. This is going to be a great trial for both he and my family, but what is life but a series of trials? We will cling to each other and continue loving each other as we did before. There will be pain, suffering, frustration, joy, triumph and laughter. This is life. Sometimes it is harder than others. I heard a pastor once say that everyone has AT LEAST one major “flood” in his or her life. He also said, if you haven’t had one yet, don’t worry, it’s coming. So that is what we do, we paddle like hell and remember whom we are and that love is the only thing that has any meaning.
I am not in denial about this. I am greatly troubled by what I found out tonight because above all else, my dad is one of my best friends. But I am his partner. We will do what needs to be done. When I was little, my father always made it a priority to be home with my sister and I on the weekends. I would wake up on Saturday morning, and he would be out in the family room. The TV would be on “Wild Wild West” or “Laurel and Hardy” or “Little Rascals”. He would say, “Morning, pardner! Your chocolate milk is in the fridge.” And life was very good. It still is. Well, now it is my turn to make sure the channel is on the right station and the chocolate milk is ready for him. I would do anything for him, go anywhere; he is my dad, and I his son and nothing will ever change that. He has given me all that I have. We will be pardners on the trail for as long as it runs. That’s just all there is to it. As I look ahead, I have to smile, because I still can’t see the end of the trail. All I see is the blue sky and the bright, shining sun. Let’s go see what’s just over the horizon.
Stay tuned to this spot for more news.
Much Love,
Adam
Mike has a tumor in his throat at the base of his tongue on the right side above his epiglottis. He feels fine, other than some discomfort eating certain things as a result of his biopsy. On December 8, he will have an endoscopy and, either A) the tumor will be removed by laser surgery at that same time and ten days later his lymph nodes in his throat will be removed via neck surgery and that will be that or B) the endoscopy will reveal something unforeseen and a course of chemo, radiation or a combo of the two will be decided upon. The doctors feel confident that the former option A looks likely and we are certainly hoping for that.
Our family is grateful for your thoughts and prayers. Please, keep those coming! My father doesn't feel horribly sick or anything like that, so we are VERY grateful. This is going to be a difficult time for Mike and the rest of us that love him, but with love and good humor, we will come out OK. While this cancer diagnosis is probably the worst news I have ever received in my life, because it is my dad, there are still so many things that give me hope.
So often, you hear of people’s “battle” or “fight” with cancer. I understand this mentality. It is comforting to think that it is something that can be defeated. The odd thing is, I don’t think my father will “fight” or “battle” cancer because cancer is incapable of defeating, or even fighting, Mike Flowers.
This may be something that can be cured by medicine, or it my damage my father’s body and even (heaven forbid) hasten his death. But know this; we are all going to die. My wonderful, loving, funny, powerful, open, generous father is going to pass on some day, just as everyone (except for one wonderfully notable exception) will. However, not cancer, nor any other illness or infirmity will be able to sicken or enfeeble my father’s loving spirit. I know he will explore every avenue of treatment and tackle this head on; but my father is indestructible for one reason: he is full of Love. Everyone that knows my father has been touched in some way by this Love. It is the same love that is at the root of all the good things in this world. Everything else is emptiness and falsity. My dad has lived this love everyday of his life. He has shown it to me in thousands of examples big and small. And, he will live the rest of his life, however long it is, with this love in his heart and it will shoot out the ends of his fingertips and touch the good and the bad, the worthy and unworthy alike, because THAT is what love is. It is for all and it is free.
I am very afraid. I am afraid of how the cancer will manifest itself physically. I am afraid of the pain he will experience. I am afraid of how this will affect our family and friends. But one thing I know is that my dad loves me and he knows I love him. Because he is who he is and how he lives his life, there is nothing unsaid. We understand one another. That, of all things, may be the greatest gift my dad has given to me.
Even though he has cancer, he is still here and, actually, he feels just fine. The doctors are cautiously optimistic and he is in considerably good spirits. This is going to be a great trial for both he and my family, but what is life but a series of trials? We will cling to each other and continue loving each other as we did before. There will be pain, suffering, frustration, joy, triumph and laughter. This is life. Sometimes it is harder than others. I heard a pastor once say that everyone has AT LEAST one major “flood” in his or her life. He also said, if you haven’t had one yet, don’t worry, it’s coming. So that is what we do, we paddle like hell and remember whom we are and that love is the only thing that has any meaning.
I am not in denial about this. I am greatly troubled by what I found out tonight because above all else, my dad is one of my best friends. But I am his partner. We will do what needs to be done. When I was little, my father always made it a priority to be home with my sister and I on the weekends. I would wake up on Saturday morning, and he would be out in the family room. The TV would be on “Wild Wild West” or “Laurel and Hardy” or “Little Rascals”. He would say, “Morning, pardner! Your chocolate milk is in the fridge.” And life was very good. It still is. Well, now it is my turn to make sure the channel is on the right station and the chocolate milk is ready for him. I would do anything for him, go anywhere; he is my dad, and I his son and nothing will ever change that. He has given me all that I have. We will be pardners on the trail for as long as it runs. That’s just all there is to it. As I look ahead, I have to smile, because I still can’t see the end of the trail. All I see is the blue sky and the bright, shining sun. Let’s go see what’s just over the horizon.
Stay tuned to this spot for more news.
Much Love,
Adam
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